The Anger I Feel


Injustice of any kind angers me. Man’s imperfection coupled with extreme greed and lack of love or compassion for their fellow man is why injustice exists at an all time high today. But what angers me more is the ignorance that drives the injustice. The racism and the intolerance – and for what? Fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear of something different than the little bubble they’ve been so used to living in.

If you really look at the history of mankind things have only gotten worse. It’s 2014 and it means nothing when it comes to intolerance and injustice. Racism is alive and well and there is still a lot of crooked, wicked people making decisions and making it hard on the poor and less fortunate ones. It’s been the way of the world since the beginning of time. Sure strides have been made over the years, but has anything really changed? Think about it. What’s changed in my opinion, is the racism isn’t as in your face as it was years ago. It’s behind your back. It’s you not getting certain jobs or promotions that you’re just as qualified, if not more qualified to receive. It’s the loans you don’t get from the bank, it’s the house you can’t buy in certain neighborhoods. It’s in the company and school handbooks that specifically point out that afros, puffs, braids, or locs as being unacceptable, unprofessional, and distracting. Your natural hair in it’s natural kinky state, be it braided or in an afro, neatly styled – is a distraction? That’s a subject for another post.

The anger I feel…..if you bottled it up it would have the power of several nuclear bombs. Every so often my patience and willpower get tested, be it at work, home, or anywhere out in public. There are times when I encounter sheer ignorance and racism that makes me pause and say “Really? You’re THAT ignorant and racist?” The anger builds and boils in me like hot lava boiling in a volcano that is ready to erupt at any moment. My chest constricts, my blood is pumping and my head is pounding. I have to let off this steam. I must vent my anger to someone and soon before I blow. That someone is usually my husband. He can calm me down quicker than anyone. If I’m at work and I feel this way I pray. Then I write. Then I call my husband. Not necessarily in that order either. After all of that has been done I try my best to let it go. I resolve to leave things in God’s hands because I know it’s out of my power.

The anger I feel makes me human. I care, I feel, I empathize. It’s how I deal with that anger that needs to improve. I don’t want to develop high blood pressure. I don’t want to have a heart attack or stroke. I have 4 kids that I want to see grow up and have families of their own. I want grandbabies! However, I’ve always been one who internalized her feelings until I started to put those feelings on paper. I write down how I feel and I hold nothing back. Then I begin the process of letting go and focusing on something else. Only then does the tension leave my chest, shoulders, neck and back. I begin to relax. It’s for this very reason that I don’t watch a lot of world news and can barely tolerate local news. It’s depressing, it’s sickening, and it makes me angry. I hate feeling that way.

One day soon the anger I feel will be a thing of the past, and it will be a glorious day indeed. I pray for this day.

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