Tired of Being Tired

I had a conversation yesterday with my second oldest sister about doing more things for ourselves as wives and mothers. For me, it was making the decision to go natural (no longer putting chemical relaxers in my hair) almost a year ago. For her, it’s cutting her hair short after wearing it semi long for many years. We both wore our hair in a certain way for our husbands. My sister never cut her hair much, if at all, in 18 years of marriage to her husband because he liked long hair. I let my hair grow at my husband’s request. I HATE long hair. I wore my hair short for many, many years. I adore short hair. When I got tired of the long hair I would cut it off very short whether he wanted me to or not. For the past 3 years I expressed my desire to go natural, and my husband was very against it. Finally, last year I made the decision to do it and didn’t care what he thought or how he felt about it. It’s my hair, it’s what I wanted to do to make ME feel good about myself – so I did it.

I say all of this because for years I’ve done things to make other people happy. Today at the age of 40 I ask myself “why?” Why did I constantly put myself on the back burner for so many years? I will always make sacrifices for my children. I’ll do anything for them and that’s not something I resent or regret and never will. However, my kids are older now and much more self sufficient. Their needs no longer warrant my constant attention like it did when they were much younger.  To constantly ignore my wants and needs when there’s no reason to do so, or because of someone else’s preferences (my husband) is no longer an option.

My conversation with my sister was a good reminder for me to stay on this path.  I’m at a point in my life where I get tired easily, and by tired I mean that my patience isn’t what it used to be. My tolerance levels aren’t what they used to be. I’m more confident and sure of myself now than I have ever been in my life. Being told I can’t do things that make me happy and feel better about myself aren’t an option anymore. I’ve been a wife for 20 wonderful years (and counting) to a great man who is my best friend, and a mother for 18 glorious years (and counting) to our four beautiful children. It’s time for some ME time. It’s time for me to stop being tired and to start living. Being selfish for me – that’s the name of the game. It’s not that I don’t care about other people’s wants and needs anymore, but rather it means that I will be putting my wants and needs to the forefront more. As women, wives, and mothers we often ignore ourselves. We nurture and care for everyone to the point that we become tired, exhausted, and depleted. It’s not a good feeling and it’s not healthy – physically or mentally.

In the end I’m a simple person. Small things make me happy, and from this day forward I will indulge in the small things that make me happy, not tired. Read a good book, watch an old black and white movie, work on more crochet projects, write letters to those I love, buy myself a killer pair of shoes, try a new dessert recipe. I deserve it. I’ve earned it. More importantly, I’m tired of being tired.

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