Recycled Dysfunction

Recycled dysfunction is real. I know because for most of my life I lived in it until I got married and started a family of my own. Recycled dysfunction to me are issues that occur over and over within the family by the same members who refuse to take the necessary steps in order for the cycle of dysfunction to stop. These family members always try to drag in as many people into their dysfunction as possible, disrupting the peace of all involved.

One thing I’ve wholeheartedly embraced is not letting other people’s problems become my own. When I got married my focus was 100% on my marriage. When I had children my focus became split between my children and husband and maintaining a happy, peaceful home for all of us. Whatever outside issues there were be it family feuds or something else didn’t affect me because I refused to allow it to. I’ve been called mean, anti-family, and the black sheep for being this way. If you were raised in total and complete dysfunction like I was you’d understand why I created such distance.

I grew up in a house where every day, there was the possibility of verbal fights, verbal and physical abuse, and overall uneasiness. We never knew what would transpire from one day to the next, and that’s not a good feeling. That’s why when I started my own family, peace, love, and happiness had to be the mainstays in our house. My kids had to be shown love through me and my husbands actions and words. I refused to let them exist in a world of chaos like I did.

Being around positive, encouraging people inspires me and makes me feel good. I love being happy and keeping my family happy. Recycled dysfunction runs very deep in my family and it’s not healthy for anyone. When you have your breaking point, when you finally say “enough” and mean it, then it truly is enough. At least it was for me. It’s not that I’ve stopped loving anyone, I’ve simply eliminated recycled dysfunction from my life.

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Do For Others

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Lately I’ve been complaining about family, and I don’t want my blog to be full of negative posts. I am a happy person and have a lot of happy moments. I promise! I recognized that I have to be more mindful to post about the happier moments instead of always posting about things that make me angry.

So many of my close friends have lost loved ones or are sick, or caring for sick loved ones. Death seems to making it’s rounds more often than not lately, and it’s taking a toll on so many.

Often times we don’t know what to say or do when someone is sick or have lost a loved one in death. I’m no different. Sometimes giving a strong hug of love and support is all that’s needed. Praying for others always helps, and is something we can all do – and it costs nothing. Bringing a dish to the caregivers, the sick one, or the family who lost a family member in death is often appreciated. Giving caregivers a break so they can rest, have a day or night to themselves is often overlooked.

I wish I could do more for others, and it always bothers me that I can’t do all that I’d like to do for those in need. This is why I keep blank note cards, so I can write personal notes to ones so they know I’m thinking of them. I try to keep cookie ingredients in stock so I can bake a quick basket for someone. Lastly, if I can’t get around to visiting people, I try to remember to call.

I don’t always get to do the things I mentioned above, but I try. People appreciate being thought of and shown kindness, especially when it’s not expected. So many are suffering, grieving, and simply need a kind gesture, hug and endless prayers. Let’s love on each other more, be kind to one another and make an effort to reach out to our friends and loved ones more. We need each other now more than ever.

Talents and Options

Over the years I’ve developed a talent for baking cookies. That evolved into making homemade granola. I also love to write, thus I blog. I’ve been selling my baked goods for about ten plus years now, but not very consistently. I have a Facebook page for my cookies, I have a menu and price list, and I’ve had business cards made. My dream is to have my own little cookie shop. I’m also open to selling my cookies online. I know it’s a lot of work and there’s a lot to running your own business, but circumstances and time is what keeps me from pursuing my dream.

I’ve heard of countless stories of those who made their fortune cooking and selling their goods from their kitchen for years before they branched out to opening a shop or restaurant. I can definitely do that as well, but my dream is still to have my own store front or an online business where I can bake and ship my baked goods all over. I’m 43 years old and am still trying to figure out the best way to utilize my talents and figure out my options. I know I can’t be the only one in this position!

Right now, what I’m thinking about is how volatile the workforce is right now. Nothing is guaranteed, and that includes jobs. The cost of healthcare is steady rising, jobs are downsizing, and entry level jobs now require associate or bachelor degrees. The uncertainty has me more aware than ever for the need of a plan B, C, and D. We all need back-up plans. With my talent for baking cookies, making homemade granola and blogging, it’s time for me to look for ways to put them to use and make money from it.

It’s time for me to put myself and my products out there and be fearless. I can no longer be timid, scared and afraid. I need to network more, do my own research and figure out a way to make an income if something were to happen to my current 9-5 job. Use your talents people. Don’t be afraid to talk about them, showcase them, and use them. Being afraid will not put money in your pockets. If you have a good product, if you have a talent, SHARE IT with the world!

Unappreciated

There is nothing worse than feeling unappreciated, especially by a family member. Nothing says self-centered, selfish, don’t care than doing something for a loved one without a thank you or any type of acknowledgement in return. I’m not the type to throw back what I’ve done for you in your face. I don’t lord it over you, brag to others what I’ve done for you, or expect anything in return from you other than a simple thank you. That’s it. Thank you. Hearing those two words go such a long way! Unfortunately, I’ve been slapped in the face by several family members enough times to last a life time.

Family get taken advantage of and are left feeling unappreciated the most because of the fact that you’re family. We all have family members that feel entitled, who feel you’re supposed to do for them for one reason or another: You make more money, you don’t have any kids or a husband, or you’ve bailed them out in the past so you should do it again. Grown able bodied people will not continue to mooch off of me or take my kindness for weakness. I will not keep listening to the same sob stories which always include blaming everyone but themselves for the pitiful plight that they are in.  I am the mother to four children. I deal with their self importance enough with more years of it to come. I will not accept it from grown siblings or other grown family members.

Recently I tried to help a sibling and never received a thank you, boo, nothing. It was the ultimate “F-you” in my eyes. Part of me want to snap on this person and the other person who initiated it, but the other part of me doesn’t feel like wasting the energy or time because I know it will change nothing. I have to let it go and chalk it up to another lesson learned. I was caught slippin, but it won’t happen again.

When Family…

Drive you crazy, what do you do? There are many variables and levels of crazy with my family, but I always thought that the older we got, the better things would get. WRONG. The older we’ve gotten, the worse our issues have become.

I’m not in a position where I have the energy or time to make other family member’s issues my own. I just can’t. And I won’t. Not when I have four kids of my own and a sickly husband. Not when I have issues of my own that need my attention. Some may call me selfish, uncaring, or hardhearted, and they couldn’t be more wrong. I just know when to step back and let grown people handle their own business.

Some people in my family have such deep issues that only a psychiatrist can help them, but not everyone is open to seeking such therapy, and if they do they don’t keep up with regular visits. In the end, we all have our own issues that we are still trying to deal with in our 30’s, 40’s and 50’s. I have my own issues that I’ve been trying to deal with on my own since childhood. I love my family and I will always help where I can. But the level of dysfunction in my family is too deep for me to get too close. For my own mental health, I must love my family at a distance.